Wednesday, March 4, 2009

A Letter to Jaxx

Jaxxon Shane Allen... I love your name. Oh how I wish you could have stayed with us, even for just a few minutes, but it wasn't meant to be.

I held your little lifeless body, and I whispered into your ear and told you how I would have expressed my love for you. But oh little Jaxx... how I weep over not being able to gaze into your eyes, or feel your warmth and smell your sweet baby breath.

You would have loved hangin' out with me! I would have held you up close and whispered "Poppy loves little Jaxx"... just like I do with your precious cousins Bree and Jarrett. When you were old enough to understand, I would have spoken these words to you in Donald Duck... just so I could see the odd expression on your face and hear you laugh. As you grew older, I would have begun teaching you to overcome your fears by facing them. We would have started small... I'd lay your on my arm, hold your little chest in the palm of my hand, tell you to hold your arms out like wings and we would have flown around and around the living room. Next I would stand you on my ottoman and teach you to trust me by coaxing you to jump into my arms. Oh little guy... what fun we would have had... grandpa and you.

Jaxx, there was so much I wanted to do with you. Since we didn't get to, I put a few things in your casket with you. I know you don't know they are there, but I do.

  • An Airplane... since I didn't get to fly you around on my arm, it comforts me to know I gave you your plane.
  • A 4-Wheeler... I would have gotten a bang out of watching you learn to ride and you would have had so much fun.
  • A 6-Wheeler with a hay bale... we would have worked together too. I would have taught you to work just like I did your daddy.
  • 1970 Cuda... me, you, and your dad were going to rebuild the 1968 I have in my garage... all I could find was a '70, so I got it for you. We'll go ahead and build the '68 and name it after you.

Little buddy, I'll never play with my other grandchildren without thinking of you. When I take them fishing, or hunting, or anywhere, I'll always include you. I know, you won't be there in body but... you will be in my heart. And... I'll tell them about you, because they would have loved to have known you too.

Jaxx, I would have loved to have told you about Jesus and of His love for you, and it comforts me to know that you are experiencing His presence and know so much more about Him than I could have shared. He will care for you so much better than I could have. And He'll introduce you to your little cousin who is already with Him. Perhaps He'll even fill you in on who I am. And... in just a little while... I'll see you too.




Ashley said...

Thanks for sharing this letter. I still can't wrap my brain around all of this but it helps to know how loved he was even though we never got to know what he would be like.

Hilary said...

What a sweet, heart-felt letter. Our prayers are with you and Brenda. I know you are hurting for your own loss and for Shane and Ashley. Prais God for a family that is letting His grace and peace shine through in tragedy.

LVP said...

Such a touching, faith centered tribute to a dear grandson, and to his family and yours. May the Lord bless and comfort all of you during this difficult time.
Kindest Regards, Larry Perkins

Janice said...

What a sweet tribute to your little man.